Video of Janis Ian Performing "At Seventeen" On The Very First Episode of SNL / Video of Howard Stern's Paradoy of The Song

Here is a clip of one of the most iconic songs of the 70's, a brilliantly composed song executed by one of the more underrated lyricists and vocalists of the 20th century. Lyrically, the song is one of the most strikingly personal and revealing in her career, clearly showcasing her talent as a song writer. The song is musically elegant in its simplicity, yet embodies one of the more sophisticated vocal styling in the business.

This clip of her most successful single "At Seventeen," was released in 1975, it was a bittersweet commentary on adolescent cruelty and teenage angst, as reflected upon from the maturity of adulthood. "At Seventeen" received acclaim from record buyers — it charted at #3 on the Billboard Hot 100 and #1 on the Adult Contemporary chart — and critics, as it won the 1975 Grammy for Best Female Pop Vocal Performance, beating out the likes of Linda Ronstadt, Olivia Newton-John and Helen Reddy. Ian performed "At Seventeen" as a musical guest on the very first episode of Saturday Night Live in October 1975. The song's parent album, Between the Lines, also hit #1 and earned a platinum certification for sales of one million copies. Another measure of her success is anecdotal - on Valentine's Day 1977, Ian received 461 Valentine cards, having indicated in the lyrics to "At Seventeen" that she never received any as a teenager.


Janis Ian performing "At Seventeen" on SNL (1975)



"AT SEVENTEEN"
By Janis Ian

I learned the truth at seventeen
That love was meant for beauty queens
And high school girls with clear skinned smiles
Who married young and then retired
The valentines I never knew
The Friday night charades of youth
Were spent on one more beautiful
At seventeen I learned the truth...

And those of us with ravaged faces
Lacking in the social graces
Desperately remained at home
Inventing lovers on the phone
Who called to say "come dance with me"
And murmured vague obscenities
It isn't all it seems at seventeen...

A brown eyed girl in hand me downs
Whose name I never could pronounce
Said: "Pity please the ones who serve
They only get what they deserve"
The rich relationed hometown queen
Marries into what she needs
With a guarantee of company
And haven for the elderly...

So remember those who win the game
Lose the love they sought to gain
Indebitures of quality and dubious integrity
Their small-town eyes will gape at you
In dull surprise when payment due
Exceeds accounts received at seventeen...

To those of us who knew the pain
Of valentines that never came
And those whose names were never called
When choosing sides for basketball
It was long ago and far away
the world was younger than today
when dreams were all they gave for free
to ugly duckling girls like me...

We all play the game, and when we dare
We cheat ourselves at solitaire
Inventing lovers on the phone
Repenting other lives unknown
That call and say: "Come on, dance with me"
And murmur vague obscenities
At ugly girls like me, at seventeen...

Here is a funny parody of the song at the expense of Jerry Seinfeld. The song was written in response to Seinfeld's inappropriate relationship with a seventeen year old high school girl that began in the early 1990's.




"AT SEVENTEEN" (Parody)
Performed by Stern and Ian

An innocent with double Ds
He saw those breasts and flipped his lid
For a real young busty high school kid
A horny lonely TV geek
Her major jugs made Jerry weak
Can't he find girls his age to date?
She's seventeen and she's jail bait
He takes her out in New York town
That lovely girl and the TV clown
She's barely shed her training bra
She kisses lips for candy bars
Some nice guy you turned out to be
Did she sit upon you knee?
You shouldn't really grope for them
At seventeen
Her panties smell like a rose
Is Seinfeld just like Piscopo?
Seducing girls in a limousine
While his fans think that he's so damn clean
Fell for an old man from TV
Did her pubic hair grow in last week?
With fresh and firm and round butt cheeks
At seventeen
Can't he find some older dame?
Their private parts all look the same
Does he make her parents shout
When he sticks his tongue in her mouth?
Does he think that he's a stud?
He should drown in a frigging flood
For fooling with a girl
Who's seventeen
Now Jerry, I ask you, do you have a brain
When you see her do you make a stain
Can't he get an older girl
He's damn near old as Milton Berle
You're making such a spectacle
Thinking with your testicles
If you're gonna make some glue
You should date girls as old as you

Artie Lange's blind rage leads him to resign from the Howard Stern Show

Last Thursday, co-host Artie Lange got into a fight with his personal assistant in the halls during a commercial break. When the show came back on air Howard Stern inquired as to what was going on in the halls, what was the fuss all about? Artie Lange responded by explaining how incompetent his personal assistant is. You see, his assistant asked for his passport so that he could jot down the numbers in order to do something that would aid in his upcoming trip to Amsterdam. The thing that really irked Artie was that he has already given him this information and thought that, if he were supposedly a good assistant he would never have to ask for such information again, that he should have, like a good assistant, saved and cataloged that information and simply whip it out later whenever it's needed.

As the quarreling between the two dragged on while Stern moderated, the two got more and more heated and got into territory regarding money. Specifically, how much the assistant, Teddy, owed Artie and when that money would ultimately be re-reimbursed. For those of you that know Artie, you already know that he is supposedly a very generous man. For instance, he ignored a huge debt owed to him by his bookie. A huge chunk that he had previously won when Eli Manning and the NY Giants beat the Patriots in the Super bowl. A pot totaling somewhere around $75,000. Given this reputation as a generous man, one could imagine how he might have been hassled by friends and relatives for money without any concern for ill-feeling or retribution from Artie when asking for money and (if loaned) not being able to pay the money back.

Keeping this in mind, consider the events that ultimately led Artie to declare that he will resign from the show. During the discussion about money between Artie and his assistant, Artie mentions how much money Teddy owes him. Teddy responds by mentioning that Artie implied that the money could be paid back whenever he was financially secure enough to pay him back. His overall tone and attitude seemed to be that of someone never intending to pay the money back. I believe this is what ultimately triggered Artie to attack Teddy. After Artie implied that he obviously has little or no money, he asks why he's spending even more money he doesn't have for a trip to Amsterdam. Artie then asks why he doesn't save that money and use it to pay him back instead. Teddy replies by saying something like, "no, why would I do that?". I believe it was at this moment that Artie felt, and justifiably so, that Teddy had in a sense robbed him of the money that he had "lent" to Teddy.

After the attack, which took several men to suppress, Artie blames Howard Stern for instigating the fight by confronting the situation in the first place, from the halls into the studio. Now, was he justified in such an accusation? I don't think so, as I genuinely think that Stern had no idea the dispute would become violent. However, at the same time, I don't think the fight would have ever occurred without the presence of Stern and his line of questions. If Stern had not joking mentioned that he would not pay the money back to Artie if he were Teddy, implying how much of a sucker Artie is, Artie would never have lost it as attacked teddy.

The question is, will Artie be back next week or has he really resigned from the show? I'd like to believe that he will be back next week, however, a few things lead me to believe that he might not. For one, he's grossly overweight and in poor health and his work schedule on the Stern show isn't helping. Secondly, I think his pride will not allow him to ask for his job. Stern implied that Artie would have to promise to control his emotions in order to stay on the show, Artie stated the he could not. To go back and say that he will control himself and so forth, maybe get into an anger management class or something, seems unlikely. If Artie truly gone from the show, he will be missed. I hope they find someone good to replace him, if that is the case. Too bad Adam Carolla has too much going for him to be a potential replacement.